Did I hear you correctly?

So the husband said I should go ahead and call the agency back tomorrow.  Or I could wait until the new contract rolls out on the 31st, or I could just call tomorrow.

This is my life.  The man can not make a statement and stick to it.  Trust me, if I were to ask him tomorrow what color the sky was he would say “Blue, the sky is blue.  Except for sometimes it is gray, and sometimes white with clouds.  But the sky is mostly blue.”

Husband can you tell me what 2+2 is?  “Duh it is 4.  At least I think it is 4.  I learned that it was 4 when I was a kid.  I wonder if my teachers were wrong and it isn’t actually 4.  But gun to my head it is 4.”

Grrrrrrrrrrr- beyond aggravating.  Combine this with his tendency to think out loud and not actually wanting his statements acted upon (been burned by this numerous times) it puts the decision maker in a precarious situation.

All that aside- I’m calling the agency tomorrow.  Here’s hoping!

Random thought of the night- why does the Flo chick in the Progressive commercials wear an apron?  Is car insurance really that messy of an endeavor?

How is it that

Reader’s Digest is able to find me at any given moment in time, yet people who supposedly want money from me disappear for years only to show up screaming that they need the money right this moment?

It is even more puzzling when you consider that I’ve been trying to find the people I owe money too and I’ve been trying to get rid of Reader’s Digest for years.

One would think if I owed you money, you would stick with me.  Instead,what happens is you break up what I owe you into four different accounts, let me believe that I’ve been paying off all that I owe to you when in reality I’m only paying on 3/4’s of it, and the mysterious 1/4 is not heard hide nor hair of for years until you decide an appropriate amount of time has passed and you proceed to call my parent’s house at all hours of the night, repeatedly, even after they give you my name, address, and phone number.

Or you find my in-laws phone number and call them.  Let’s see here.  When my account was opened with you, my husband was still married to his first wife.  When I had worked out a payment plan for the (mistaken) 3/4’s of my debt to you…. yep, still married to the first wife.  And yet I’m supposed to believe that tracking down my in-laws was easier than calling the number my mother has given you for me. 

Right.

I understand I owe you money- that’s never been in question.  However, I do think that some human decency and decorum wouldn’t be ill placed here.  Pull your collective heads out of whoever’s ass you’ve got them shoved in and let me get this worked out.

Instead I’m being financially raped repeatedly by the same people who were falling over themselves to offer me money ten years ago.

Douchebags- all of you.

What a weekend

Well our weekend is actually Sunday/Monday/Tuesday-semantics.

So I give my MIL a lot of shit, I know.  The woman just drives me nuts- case in point, I lost a half hour of my life when she felt the need to tell me all about her Webkinz.  Look it up and then tell me it isn’t insane for a 62 year old woman to be doing.

Anyways- she really came through this weekend.

She will talk to anyone.  I mean anyone.  Anywhere.  Does not matter.  Well, she was on the plane down to Florida (they go on vacation down in south FL all the time) and is sitting next to a guy who is wearing a Cardinals World Series ring.  Of course she asked him about it (he works for the Cardinals) and next thing the poor guy knows, he’s giving my MIL and FIL his business card and telling them to call him for tickets to the farm team there in south FL. 

Not only that but when we went to the game (when I found out what had transpired and who I could meet, I was down there in a heartbeat) he had an even better deal for us!  He said come to the stadium the next morning and we could see a rehabbing pitcher pitch a simulated game.

We show up and there is seemingly no one around.  We thought for sure there would be people around.  We go up to the ticket counter and ask about the sim game.  They say it isn’t happening on the main diamond and they have no idea where.  So, slightly discouraged, we drive around the stadium to head back to the hotel and what do we see through a stadium gate?  A field full of red and white!

Next thing I know we are walking through an open gate that says not only “No trespassing” but also “Authorized Personnel Only”.  After that gate is a huge sign that says “Players and Coaches only past this point”- walked right past that one too.  Ended up behind center field on a platform watching the sim game.

A maze ing.  And it get’s better.  New found best friend (oh and I got to hold his word series ring- thought I was going to faint) calls and says “hey, I’ve got a ball for Amanda- tell her to come on in and get it.”

Keep in mind we’ve snuck into the stadium- how on earth am I going to get down behind home plate?

So I go back to the ticket counter and tell them that NFBF (new found best friend) has a ball for me, can I just run in and run out?  They tell me to go to the stadium office.  So I do and they are pissed.  They tell me that not only am I not supposed to know what was going on but they are in no way letting me in the stadium.

We’ll see about that.  I find an open gate and walk in.  I see the office guy an duck behind a wall until he clears out.  Then I start walking up the stairs and proceed to where the NFBF is sitting behind home plate.  I hear the guy behind me going “Ma’am, Ma’am!” but I don’t stop.

And my perserverance paid off big time.  I got to sit behind home plate and watch he rest of the sim game up close and personal.  Awesome.  On top of that, NFBF got me a signed ball!  I’m telling you, I was in heaven.

So, although my MIL makes me want to rip out my hair on a daily basis (oh, there were a group of really adorable little kids at the game and MIL kept going- so I guess you aren’t going to have any of those- I wanted to rip her face off) sometimes she comes through for us!

Caustiously hopeful.

So, as of this moment, we are staying in central Florida.  Thank the lord in holy heaven above because the thought of packing a box right now makes me physically ill.

That means we can hopefully get back on the foster to adopt train.  The husband has recently been dragging his feet on anything child related which is somewhat concerning.  In my opinion he is freaking over the possibility of having responsibility to something/someone that goes beyond our dogs.  We can just board them when we want to go somewhere- a child will require a little bit more planning.

He also thinks (I believe; the man is emotionally stunted, won’t express feelings without me dragging them out of him) that the moment we have a child it means we can’t ever move or go anywhere every again.  He has it in his head that we are going to pick up at any moment and go travel the world.  Funny thing is that in the five years we’ve been together, they farthest we’ve gone is Mexico and that was our honeymoon.  Yes we get out often on weekends and “explore” but there is nothing saying a kid couldn’t do that too.  Of course having a kid (in his mind) would put a kaibosh on his dream of moving to Japan.  I’m not completely discounting the idea- I figure it wouldn’t be forever and it would be a cool thing to do.  However, I would like to actually stay in one place to have the chance to adopt before we go moving overseas.  I don’t know what to tell him to ease his mind.  Of course he would actually have to admit to these feelings in the first place.

So barring a mental breakdown from him, we are back in the game.  I sure am hoping we are because with 30 fast approaching, (and 40 not too far off for him) I’m starting to panic a bit.  It could take us years to get a permanent placement, hopefully it won’t, but it could.  Oh god, I can’t dwell on that too long because I might hyperventilate!

Oh, and I’ve got another RE appointment at the end of the month.  Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully I’ll figure out the whole spotting issue.  Of course it didn’t happen again at the end of this cycle but I still need to go run it by the dr.

As usual, I’ll keep the ten (which is quite the jump from the two I started with!) people that read this updated!

My life is a

So now we are waiting to hear what the company is going to do about a salary negotiation.  If they come back and meet the husband at least halfway (hopefully more) then we will probably stay with the job and not have to move.

Which means that we could go ahead with our foster to adopt plans!

So if you are at all the praying type and have a second or two to spare for people you don’t know… we could use some prayers!!!!!

I really, really don’t want to move again.  And I really, really want to be able to get on with the next stage in our lives.

We’ll see.

Sidenote:  the picture is of the late Orient Express at Worlds of Fun in KC, MO.  It was one of only two coasters to have interlocking loops- the other being the Loch Ness Monster at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg.  Both great coasters.  RIP Orient Express.

So very cool

Where the Hell is Matt? (200 on Vimeo

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands. Thanks to everyone who danced with me.You can turn HD off it’s playing jerky or taking too long to load.wherethehellismatt.comstridegum.com

more about “Where the Hell is Matt? (200 on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod

Decisions, decisions

We live in central Florida, aka- theme park overload.

The husband’s birthday is coming up and all attempts at a cool gift have failed so I’m now thinking we’ll go to one of the many theme park offerings around.  However it is nearly impossible to make a decision between them!

Busch Gardens- good, not far, has animals which he enjoys.

SeaWorld- another good choice, he likes aquariums, I think we could catch a shuttle so we wouldn’t have to drive

WDW- not sure.  It is my understanding that every one and their dog is at WDW every day and when you only have one day (we have no intention right now of getting multiday or season passes to WDW and we would have to drive up each day) the prospect of driving, standing in 95+ heat for 80% of the day and rain/thunderstorms the other 20%, and not getting to see the whole park is not that appetizing.

Epcot- good choice, especially while we don’t have kids.  We can walk around and enjoy the different “countries” without worrying about bored and hot children.

There are quite a few others but these are at the top of the list.  I just don’t know which one to choose!!!!!  Argh!!!

I am crushed.

So no sooner had we made a decision and got the ball rolling… we are probably going to have to move again.

The husband works as a DoD contractor and there is rarely anything set in stone- including salaries, hours worked, how long you’ll have a job.  And we’ve just found out that his hours are going to be cut.  So he is looking for another job.

Again.

So, we aren’t adopting.  We are once again at square one.

Yippee.

Yahoo Answers, aka: where the dumbest people on earth congregate

Seriously.

No, seriously.

I thought the nest had dumb people.  BOTB is a freaking Mensa meeting in comparison to Yahoo Answers.  Never in my life have I had such a constant feeling of “oh my god what on earth are they going to say next?”

This is a rundown of a half hour spent on Yahoo Answers TTC board.  Please note that I have written it in actual proper English- do not fool yourselves into thinking this is what the questions and answers actually look like.

Can you get pregnant without doing IT?

I’ve been TTC for three years and I’m only 19- why aren’t I pregnant?

Go get a blood test done (usually in response to anyone who thinks they might have the slightest indication that they may possibly actually maybe could it be maybe pregnant.).

You need to go to a fertility doctor. (usually in response to anyone who mentions trying to get pregnant for any amount of time under a year.)

Just adopt.  (usually in response to anyone who mentions trying to get pregnant for over a year).

Relax.  (this is found in pretty much every single post.)

I have a ______ who ________ and she has this ________ who went on vacation and she got pregnant.

Can you tell if you are pregnant the day after you have sex?

This is just a sampling and as you can see the answers are just as asinine as the questions.  No joke.  It is like the ultimate train wreck.

Which brings me to my dilemma.

Every time I get on there I want to rip out my eyeballs and shove them down my throat in the hopes that I stop breathing.  However, even though I may not be all knowing in the TTC arena, at times I am the only person who is giving answers that a.) make sense or b.) are actually good and correct advice.  The best part is you can vote on people’s answers and almost every single one of my answers has a “thumbs down” meaning people do not think it was a good answer.  Right.  So I feel that if I leave it will continue to be the blind leading the freaking blind.

What is a woman to do?

What is this strange feeling?

So lately I’ve developed a renewed sense of hope.

It has been quite some time that I’ve been hopeful in relation to the whole have a child thing.

After much deliberation we’ve finally decided upon a plan of attack.  Now granted this has changed about a thousand times (mainly on the RE side of things) but for the most part this is our plan.

We are adopting!

We are going to go through the foster to adopt program.  I am very excited.  Very, very excited.

I’m really hoping that the husband’s contract renews (we’ll know in a couple of months) and we can know for sure that we will be in the area.

If we are able to finish the process here it will probably take about ten months to get all our applications, background check, and homestudy done.  Then we will have our foster license and be able to take placements.

We know that it will probably take awhile to get an adoption placement (although we are doing minority/special needs, we do want to adopt an infant if possible) but we are okay with that.  At least in the meantime we are able to give foster children a home that they need.

So…. that’s where we are.  I’ll keep the few that read this updated as we move along in the process.

My life in six words.

Thanks Chrys.

She tagged me for this seemingly impossible task of describing my life in six words.

She was tagged by JackiTiger who said this:

“The Meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I was planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. It’s a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet $10 that he could sum up his life in six words. His were- “For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Six words. Just six.

I’ve never been one who excelled at “summing up.” Actually I’m quite good at expounding. I’m the first with a “yea, but.” Forest for the trees is me.

Six words.

Just six.

I suppose I’d have to go with…

Nomadic, no roots, looking to start.

As a brat it is very easy to live your life in chunks of time. Mine happened to be roughly two years. Two years here, two years there, the rare luxury of six years another place. Your childhood is defined by places you lived. Your memories are partitioned into who was your friends at the time.

You excel at leaving. Not a trait that is necessarily admirable. Actually it’s something that as you get older really starts to wear on you. Your “roots” can be packed up into a U-Haul box.

The only people who “knew you when” are your parents and siblings and even they don’t really get it at times because the family stopped moving when you got to your senior year of high school. Your siblings all went to high school at the same place for all four years. They have friends and connections. They don’t understand why you have to hang on to that mixed tape because it is the only thing you have left of your childhood best friend. They don’t see how that ratty kermit tshirt can represent anything, much less be the embodiment of two years of high school.

Nomadic, no roots, looking to start.

Looking to start.

You can’t chop a tree down, glue some roots on it and replant it. You can, however, take a new tree, plant it in the ground and cultivate it to great heights and splendors.

I don’t want to discount my entire life before now. I really do love my family and am lucky to have them.

But there is a need to start my own roots. Here’s hoping the husband and I are able to do that. We are certainly going to try.

So that is my six words- and now I have to nominate people to do it themselves.

I’m really horrible at reading blogs (ironic huh?) so the only ones I can think of would be Whitey and Boo.

Get to it girls!

Damn you Richard Blais

(I promise I’m getting to Chrys’ meme, got a backorder of posts first!)

So I like Top Chef.  I take that back- I love Top Chef.  Love it.

Last week was the finale and as usual there was something like a three month break between the episode before and the finale.

In one of the previous episodes the chefs had worked with children and Richard had made the comment that the experience made him want to go home and start a family- “make little Blaises.”

The finale starts (they’ve been home three months previous) and I said out loud to myself…

You know, I’m going to be pissed as hell if Richard gets on and says his wife is pregnant.

I kid you not- not ten minutes into the finale, BAM!  Richard’s wife is pregnant.

Fast forward to this evening.  It is the wrap up show.  Now not only is Richard’s wife still pregnant but ready to drop a shorty at any moment.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m happy for this guy I’ve never met.  But still, welcome to the sometimes crappy part of being infertile- when you feel like everyone, even strangers on the tv, are getting pregnant and having children while you sit around waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.

And waiting…

Celebrate!

(pic taken from flickr- obviously by BauerPhotography)

So the fireworks are three fold.

One- this is my 100th post! Yea!!!!

Two- Our apartment complex seems to think that the 4th of July isn’t recognized enough so they are starting the celebrating on June 18th. I drove in this morning and saw on the little welcome sign they’ve put up “Happy 4th of July!”

I think the whole birth of a nation thing is cool and all (I still cry at Lee Greenwood…. that could be the excessive fringe and facial hair though) but come on people.

And Three- I miss St. Louis. I need to make a trip up to see the parents soon. Every once in awhile you just hit that “I really need to hang out with my mom for a while” point.

(total sidenote: I looked at the picture and realized that that is the statue/fountain where we took pictures after our wedding. I almost busted my ass running through the empty (except for the puddles from the torrential rain the night before) fountain in my worn out crocs. There are pictures floating around somewhere of both my brother and my brother in law hanging from that statue and standing up there next to the running man- good times)

I’m there.

So Happy 4th of July everyone!

At the very least twice a day.

I’m adding this for slightly selfish reasons- I want it to be someplace I can easily access. I watch this every day probably at least twice! We kept it on the dvr for months!

I love it!

Did you know?

That Cajuns are known carriers of Tay-Sachs?

I did not.  But apparently I will be getting the test done for it.

Sidenote- yet another Getting knocked up by the dog search.  I’m thinking of adding a ticker on the sidebar that just counts how many times this happens.  However, I am frightened of how large that number might get.

We’ll see how it goes.

So if you remember from my last dr. appt post, the PCP referred me back to the RE that had said they couldn’t see me.

Well I called and made an appointment.  Apparently they don’t have my named etched into the wall on a list of people that are not permitted to darken the door.  And if they did, how lame would that be.

The appointment is on the 24th.  The husband has his follow up appt with the PCP on the 23rd.  She will more than likely refer him to a urologist due to his hormone levels.  I do feel bad for him.  I don’t think I would feel any differently if I found out I didn’t have much estrogen but I think the situation has sort of gotten him down.  Not that you would ever notice!  He is not often a wear your heart on your sleeve kind of guy.  Just comments he has made since then like, “I’m a shell of a man”, even if in a joking manner, show that things might be getting to him.  We’ll see how things go on that front.

I’ve hemmed and hawed over my appointment.  Do I go?  Do I not?  Do I mention the fact we aren’t pursuing IUI/IVF?  Do I answer ambiguously?

My real fear is like the first RE I went to, they just gloss over the first steps.  The previous RE would never talk in depth about Clomid, monitoring, progesterone (which in my lay person opinion I have a significant need for- more on that later), any of that.  All three times I met with them it was, in your first IUI we do this, and if the IUI doesn’t work then this is our plan of attack.  I had to remind them each time that I had no intention of doing IUI and could we just start at the beginning please.  I would get the befuddled look along with a brush off and that was it.

It seems that I am in the minority.  There is only one other person that I have come across that has been TTC for a number of years and is not pursuing IUI/IVF.  It is beyond frustrating when dr.’s don’t listen to your requests and plans and seem to think that if you aren’t willing to “go the distance” then there is something wrong with you.  Hell I get it from more than just dr.’s.  I can not tell you the number of times I’ve had people go ape shite on me when I say we have no intention of going past drug intervention.  Seriously if I hear one more person tell me that “until you are in that situation, you have no idea what you might or might not do.” I might blow a gasket.

I am in that position and my decision remains the same as it did almost two years ago.

So that is my fear- that I’ll go in and they will either a.) tell me they won’t see me again or b.) consistently overlook the ‘first’ stages because they know that there is always IUI/IVF if it doesn’t work.

I’m thinking I might wear a sign to each appt. (if I do stay with them) that says- If you want me to be a success story for your brochure, don’t ignore me when I say this is it; I’m not going to change my mind.

Then there (good lord this is getting long) is the whole “Oh my god if this doesn’t work we are at the end of the ttc line” part of things.  Not going to lie, there definitely is some trepidation there.  Granted there is the adoption route, but having worked for an adoption agency I know that it isn’t that simple.  Hell, we could be in the same position three years down the road.  A possibility that saddens me more than anything.

I’ve wanted to be three things in my life- a fighter pilot, a wife, and a mom.  Meatloaf said it best- two out of three ain’t (can’t believe I just typed ain’t) bad.  I tend to agree.  Actually I think two out of three will be fantastic- I’ve already dealt with the fighter pilot issue.

One out of three will be a huge disappointment.

Losing faith in humanity

Yet another search for ‘dogs and infertility’.

This is getting out of hand people!

I understand that when the year mark rolls around (and the second year mark looms ever closer) you start to panic and look to anything and everything for a solution.  But dogs?  Really?  What is next- clowns?  File cabinets?  Legal sized notepads?

Where does it all end?

Note: If by some bizarre twist of fate this turns out to be a valid concern; not only will I be screwed but I will also be removing this post.  I hate nothing more than being wrong.

The Evolution of the Fist Bump

This is quite amusing.

The Rays are a fun team. It is a shame that seemingly no one cares about them at all. Seriously- you go into Sports Authority and where there is usually the local sports section you can only find maybe one or two Rays t-shirts.
Of course there is no problem finding Yankees shit. Ugh. Just nasty.

Now don’t get me wrong- I still love me some Cardinals, but this is the AL so I don’t feel too conflicted.

And honestly- what are the chances that the Rays and Cardinals end up in the Series against each other?

That’s what I thought.

Oops.

I just realized that I asked people to keep the husband in their thoughts/prayers and I never updated.

Drum roll please….

He’s fine.

It was apparently a normal thing that the dr. was just overly cautious about.  So there you have it.

However there are other issues- hormonally speaking.  He has an appt. in a couple of weeks when they will probably send him off to a urologist.  We are basically in a holding pattern until then.

Here’s hoping the hormones haven’t had any affect on the boys downstairs!

Today’s RISTLTMB

I’ve been MIA for a few days- went up to see some friends in Georgia and to visit the babydog.

We thought he was going to come home with us for a bit but we decided to do it sometime in July.  That will give us time to work with him and see how well we are able to handle him.  The biggest issue is me actually being the enforcer of rules and not the person that is able to be run over.

We’ll see how it goes!

Anyways, back to the topic of this post.

Today’s RISTLTMB is:

Infertility get a grip

I’m really hoping that this was from an infertile who is looking for ways to cope with their feelings/emotions/what have you.  Because if it isn’t and it is actually from a person who seems to think that people who are infertile need to get a grip and they are looking for ways to tell someone that…. then I have no words.

Screw that- yes I do have words.

If someone were to tell me to get a grip- I would.  A nice firm grip around their neck.

I can see how a person can let IF rule their life and how they might need to take a step back, but ‘get a grip’?  I wouldn’t dare say that to another infertile.